Sunday, March 25, 2007

Zen Living in a Toxic World

My daughter went with my parents to a family reunion today. I chose not to go. Why? Because I am antisocial? Not really.

I am so tired of the fight to be healthy and eat healthy. It seems that my daughter and I are not just dancing to a different drummer but are dancing to a monkey and an accordion.

I know this family reunion will consist of cakes, cookies, ice cream, and M&Ms. Of course the main course will be something like roast beef and who knows what else. Do we eat any of that? No. Nothing.

I would have to bring my own food if we want to eat. Normally I just sit there and watch other people eat while they eye me up and down like I am some kind of weirdo outsider. I mean seriously, who doesn't eat meat, dairy, & desserts in the Midwest?

Please do not get me wrong. My extended family is very nice. I am sure they feel they are serving the finest cuisine. I just do not eat it. I go to great lengths to only feed myself and my daughter items that originated from the ground (for the most part).

Its truly like pushing a boulder uphill. I am tired of it. So I decided not to attend. I have the pressures at work of avoiding cake and ice cream every time someone has a birthday. Again, they look at me like I am not a team player if I do not show up for the "party" or if I sneak out of the room when they start passing out the garbage.

I truly believe that the standard American diet is total garbage. Its poison. It is no more a "treat" than if they passed out a cigarette or some heroin for every birthday party.

Today I gave up a little bit. I have never been away from my daughter other than to go to work since the day she was born but today I do not even care. I just do not want to fight today quite frankly I am not happy about it but what can I do? I am going to let my parents shovel poison into my daughters mouth all day....she will miss her nap....and I don't have to deal with it until she gets home.

Yes, yes there is a point to all of this rambling. I get depressed. I get sick of fighting. I think that sometimes it would be so much easier to go with the flow and just eat McNuggets or some other toxic garbage and let my daughter drink soda and just smile and laugh and forget the battle.

Does it matter if we die at 60 or 90? Does our quality of life matter? Yes it does. So then I get angry. Its really quite stressful. I don't have one single solitary friend in the town where I live because I have absolutely nothing in common with anyone here (that I can find) so I am going this battle alone. It is a daily battle and I have no support whatsoever.

Again...whats my point? My point is that I have to find a balance so I can smile and laugh and still try to dance to my monkey with the accordion. I have to get to the point where I just don't care what other people think, while simultaneously refusing to judge others for their decisions. I have to resign myself to hunting and gathering for organic fresh produce just like caveman days. I might even have to grow my own. In resigning myself to this way of life hopefully I can lose the stress and happily announce to the world that "this is the way we live and if you don't like it, you can go..(fill in whatever you like here).

Peace out.

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